Change happens in relationship

This past Saturday, I was in Abilene, TX with 12 classmates and 1 professor, celebrating 10 years since graduating from ACU's Marriage and Family Institute. I had a wonderful time; however, I'll spare you the details. Likely, you would find my ramblings about a reunion no more exciting than watching someone else's vacation slides. Nevertheless, the reminiscing has brought to mind important lessons learned. I would like to share a few of the things that seem relevant to our situation here.

Change happens in the context of a relationship. I took for granted the significance of this point at the time. I was so focused on learning techniques for building a therapeutic relationship that only later did I grasp the more general and profound insight. We can best serve as witnesses for our Lord to those people with whom we have a relationship. Statistics have repeatedly demonstrated that above 80% of people who join a congregation, do so at the influence of friends and/or family. As our congregation moves toward being more intentionally evangelistic, we must strive to build relationships with those whom we would evangelize. So when we begin to question how Sunshine can be more evangelistic in the Minford community, we need to ask how can Sunshine build a genuine, authentic relationship with our community.

If we can seriously engage in this line of thinking, we will discover what every therapy student learns: The most significant barriers to relationships are those within. Just as the student must decide if being a therapist is worth the price of dealing with his/her own issues; we, as a congregation, will have to grapple with the genuineness of our desire to reach out to others. Can we admit that we do not reach out because we really don't want to? The issue here is not doctrine, but rather depth. We must take the gospel where it has never gone before- the deepest recesses of our own hearts and minds. That is a great challenge!

Jesus is our great example. Think of how his outreach was integrated with building relationships. The 12 Disciples were to him, friends. Jesus did not expect people to come to him, he more often went to them. It is so common to read of him eating a meal in someone's home. Jesus was the son of God, and yet he did not intimidate, interrogate, or condescend. On the contrary, he comforted, encouraged, and empowered those who would hear him.

Striving for change in the midst of a relationship is messy business. Relationships bring some issues into clearer focus while leaving others more distorted. I have a good friend who is a Freewill Baptist minister, another who is a Methodist minister, and yet another who is a Seventh-Day Adventist minister. I challenge these men to grow closer to God, and they challenge me likewise. In my relating to them, I have come to see that we have a great deal in common despite our different doctrinal affiliations. As a matter of fact, when I think about the most important dynamics of my life with regard to my quest to know God, it is here that I find the most commonality with these men. The content of our religious practices differ but the processes of striving to know God are starkly similar. As you can imagine, this reeks havoc with my adherence to tradition CofC brotherhood boundaries. And it challenges me to expand my thinking about how God is working in his world. It is messy. When one wrestles with such issues out loud, he often is labeled liberal or wishy-washy. Can we wrestle with such things as a congregation without turning against one another?

Relationship take a great deal of energy and often result in great personal pain. Ultimately, there are no foolproof techniques and no black-white rules. Change is almost always a two-way street. There is no guarantee of success. Actually, failure is far more common than success. Even Jesus only reached a minority. The most successful therapists report around a 30-45% success rate.

Finally, when you get to the center of things, boil it all down, get to the end of the road (choose your favorite metaphor here), it's a relationship between you and God. Set aside your favorite convictions, doctrinal predispositions, and religious culture, what is the status of your relationship with God? You may find it hard to think about your relationship with God independent of doctrinal stances and worship practices, but it is important to get there. In prayer, we can grapple with the very being of God. Congregations that take seriously the being of God, pray. In prayer the power of God is unleashed. That is where it's at!

We are empowered by our relationship with God to relate to others. In our relationship with others, God will effect the change He desires. It is not primarily about doctrine but rather depth.

What do you think?