Last evening in our Bible class, Jamie led a discussion about the book, Song of Solomon. Various comments were made about the church's avoidance of the subject of sexuality, especially eroticism, and how such avoidance has negatively effected church members.
It is so much easier to be critical than it is to be creative. It is not difficult to find fault or weakness in something already in existence, whether that be a person, a plan, or paradigm. It is much more difficult to create a solution to a problem. For instance, it takes far less political brain power to note problems with our president's approach to Iraq than it does to generate a new plan that will work effectively.
Sexuality is the same. We, christians, spend much time criticizing the pitfalls and problems of our cultures treatment of sex (and justifiably so). But we have too little to say about what a man and a woman is to rightly do with sex. We have far too little to say about eroticism. Erotic forces are very powerful within us. Great power can be wielded for good or bad.
We need to admit that we have taken the easier road, having been far more critical than creative. We also need to begin the process of stepping up to the great challenge of addressing sexuality and eroticism in positive, affirmative language. We need to offer a vision of good sexuality, eroticism that is not denied but rather fully experienced in the manner God intended.
This subject produces anxiety for most poeple. Such anxiety is like jumping into the cool water of a pool. It will sting for a moment, but quickly we adjust and swim in comfort. We can deal with the anxiety of sexuality. The value of such an effort will be quickly realized, not only in our own lives but also in the lives of our children.
What are your thoughts?
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Are you in touch with your eroticism?
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11 comments:
I am most offended by seeing hollywood have sex on movies and television. I have issues with invading on what should be something that happens behind closed doors between husband and wife. For this reason, Tim and I have turned off regular tv and cable and satellite, and pay for Christian satellite tv only. In general, I am a believer of "what goes on in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom." It is a sacred time between a married couple....1 man and 1 woman. I feel the only other one who should be invited into the bedroom is the Lord Himself. I would assume that the thought of that would freak most people out, but it's the way it should be. You're not going to do anything to surprise the One who created sex! :)
That being said, sex actually begins before a married couple reaches the bedroom and closes the door. For a woman, sex begins by her husband doing chores around the house that typically would be her job. Taking care of the kids, doing the dishes, vacuuming, running errands, etc. (Take your pick. It ALL needs done!) This takes stress off of the woman and therefore enables her to see her husband as caring for her needs in more ways than just physical.
A man sees things differently than a woman. This is because he is not a woman. ;) I'll let you guys fill in the part about the guy since I'm not one.
Jennifer
I relate Jennifer's comments to the larger background within which lovers relate. She is very right to note that the sexual relationship is deeply impacted by things that are outside of the bedroom.
Having said that...eroticism deals specifically with what does happen in the bedroom (or wherever lovers find appropriate). Eroticism deals specifically with the unrestrained quest for physical and emotional pleasure within the sex act. It involves looking, touching, feeling, tasting, etc. Eroticism has been over-associated with its pornographic misuse.
We, as children of God, can and should affirm our erotic dimension. We need not fixate on it, but equal harm is done when we act as though it does not exist. It is a good thing, not a bad thing.
Here is a potential message, an application of Christian life that needs to be expressed. People will welcome help in this area of life --so long as it is help that is tangible and relevant.
We need to remember this -- Just because something makes us experience anxiety, doesn't make that something bad. We, church people, are bad for condemning (or at lease ignoring) things for no other reason than the fact that it makes us nervous.
I wrote a comment to this but when I published, it had a screen about signing-in in the old version conflicting with the new version and then lost my stinking comment and I'm too aggravated to write it all over now!
I've been there--I understand the frustration.
I was saying there is a time and place for discussion of eroticism. Personally I've discussed such things with brothers I'm close too, or my wife and I have talked about things with couples we have a good relationship with. I don't just walk up to new people and say "Hey do you do such and such.... in bed?"
The nervousness may stem from the fact that in a class setting there are people that I would not care to share my sexually erotic feelings with. This should not be misconscrewed as meaning that I don't think they exist.
Good comments Jason. Funny we didn't have the same discussions in the four and five year old class.
God gave sex to us not just as a functional way of reproducing. If it was only for that then he would not have put so much enjoyment into the experience. I think that HE wants us enjoy sex with our spouse and would hurt for us if we did not. The problem is that satan with a lot of help from humans have perverted it so much that it makes us uncomfortable to talk about, so we suppress our feelings and bottle up the emotions to the point that it becomes a a negative discussion in many ways. I think it of course a very natural thing, which should lead to us to be able to discuss it in a very natural way. Imagine how much freedom we would have if we felt comfortable enough to discuss with someone our true feelings. Instead of feeling like a pervert for even mentioning the word sex.
You know if you had any other problem or quesiton in life you could have many avenues to explore to find a solution or answer. For instance if you had a problem with eating (another functional yet enjoyable experience) you would have no problems finding someone to talk with and hopefully getting the answers you were looking for. Also people in the church hopefully would not look at you in a such a demeaning way. But bring up a question or problem about sex, oh my how the rumors would fly. Too sad. I agree with you, how much more advanced would we be and our children be if we could view sex as a gift from God. I know our children would be better off and then the need to run to the internet or TV or magazines may not be as tempting.
Sorry for the length,
Aaron
Great comments, guys!
Jennifer
I don't think it is a negative subject, but I do think it should be a private subject. Recently, Joe Beam has been leading marriage seminars where people are openly asking questions about sex, and he is answering those questions VERY explicitly. He was even interviewed on one of the major morning shows.. I believe it was the Today Show. Anyway, I think that it is inappropriate to have such discussions in an open forum, especially with a mixed audience. I do think it is appropriate for christians to talk to a christian counselor, or close christian brother or sister of the same sex about the topic. I really don't think my hesitations are rooted in anxiety. I just cherish the sacred bond between husband and wife and think that it is a private matter.
Joe Beam provides an important ministry for SOME people. Not everyone needs what he offers, but that does not make it less valuable. Most people in today's culture are comfortable talking about sex in mixed company, whether or not they should be :), and do discuss it at home/school/work and see it portrayed on billboards/movies/songs/etc. in mixed company. We should not pretend to be different people when we are at 'church'. We are still the church, the Lord's bride, saved by grace alone and in need of His help and His people. Discussions of this nature should be available from the Christian perspective to those who desire them. Attendance is not mandatory. :)
I agree that we should not pretend to be differnt people when we are at church. I also agree that it is common in our culture to see sex portrayed on movies and songs, and it is definately something that many people talk openly about in school and at work. However, I think christians should be rising above the cultural norms. We should be choosing our tv shows and movies carefully. Out of respect for our spouses, we should not be discussing our sex lives at school or in the work place. There is a time and place for everthing, and if we're not careful we can easily cross that line.
I definitely agree that sex is a private matter. However, I fail to understand why the subject of sex must be handled differently than say, the subject of finances.
No one should be forced to participate, and we would need to guard that the conversation is appropriate. It is true that most of us tend to regress to a rather juvenile manner of functioning when the topic of sex surfaces. This was evident last Wednesday night, when otherwise mature adults cannot contain their laughter at spoken expressions that have a sexual connotation. For example, there was some confusion about what exact time the class was to end. Steve made the statement that on Wednesday, "we go all the way," -meaning go all the way to 8:30. Many folks laughed at the obvious sexual connotation to the expression, "go all the way."
Now, this is not so bad. But, I think it does demonstrate how anxiety has hindered our sexual development. Deep down, we are still thinking like junior-high students. Because of this, we struggle with how to work with the subject of sexuality in a productive, growth-oriented manner.
Avoidance is not the answer. Forgive my presumptuousness, but, when I hear statement like, "this is not appropriate for mixed company" or "this is too private for open discussion," I see it as avoidance (and ultimately denial of the hold anxiety has on us).
I still believe that we need much more discussion given to sexual issues. Only then will we be able to develop so that we might learn and grow like adults.
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