I feel that sex is a subject that needs to be addressed by the church when sin is involved. Sex is not a sin unless it is used outside of marriage between one man and one woman.
Sex with pictures or videos (pornography/adultery) = sin.
Even thinking about performing sexual acts while looking at someone in person (adultery) = sin.
Sex with someone other than who you are married to (adultery) = sin.
Sex with your children or someone else's (molestation) = sin.
Sex with someone who is of the same sex as you (homosexuality) = sin.
Sex with animals (bestiality/sodomy) = sin.
Sex being forced on another person in marriage or not (rape) = sin.
Unfortunately, I'm sure there are many other ways of going about sex as God did NOT intend. These are the ones that came to my mind first.
Ok. This is a list of situations involving sex that should be discussed amoung the church. It should be obvious to all of us what goes on behind closed doors between one man and one woman that are joined in marriage to one another. I doubt God had to explain "the birds and the bees" to Adam when he saw Eve the first time. I don't know. Maybe He did. I havn't read about it in the bible.
My question is: Why, if at all, should the church be talking about sex unless it involves sin and how to remove yourself from it?
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Sex and the church
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9 comments:
I am short on time--here is a quick response to a very good question:
Professionals who work with sexual dysfunctions will attest to the problems caused by nothing more than ignorance. When it comes to sexuality, ignorance is not bliss. In the church, we must be willing and able to speak in positive terms about sex, not just in the negative (e.g. don't do this, don't do that).
In other areas of life, we do not refrain from positive teaching. When teaching my kids to drive, I will tell them things not to do, but I will also spend more time telling them what to do. If I would help my kids to make friends, I will tell them how to be, not just how not to be. I hope you can see my point.
Sex is not as straight forward as we pretend. There things to know and understand. There is need for instruction--it seems foolish to me to think everyone will adequately figure all things out on their own. Therapists can attest to this.
Sorry, I'm out of time.
My question is why not?
Obviously it is impossible to ignore when you are teaching classes that involve the Song of Solomon, as we are now on Wednesday. My point if God found it necessary to include it then we should not be ashamed to discuss.
I also agree with Jason that knowledge is power and I think that the more we discuss things in a Godly fashion the stronger we will be to ward off satan. I think this is very important for our children.
Now please understand that I am not wanting to discuss intimate details, but overall I think it is a topic that can and should be discussed. I liked Jason's analogy to finances. I prefer not to discuss my bottomline with everyone, but I am willing to understand and discuss finances with anyone to gain more knowledge or to give knowledge to others.
Last point; I will be the first to admit that I do not know it all(that may shock some of you), so I am always willing to learn more, whatever the topic. So if someone is able to enlighten, I am ready to recieve. Especially if it will further my walk with the Lord. Again I feel that sex is a gift from the Lord, that he wants us to enjoy. And we should not be ashamed, when discussed in a mature, adult fashion.
Sorry if this is wordy,
Aaron
I may be taking this in a direction other than you intended, but here is how I see this topic. I think it is important to discuss sex in a Godly way. I know it would be more comfortable for us to pretend that sex and sexuality did not exist. However, past experience shows that this is not the way to go. Honestly, if we as Christians are unwilling to openly talk about sex, especially to our teenagers, they will go somewhere else for that information. As a junior high teacher, I can assure you that kids in 7th grade know way more about sex than you'd think and peer pressure is strong motivation. We have to be willing to get over our own discomfort to have a productive conversation.
Excellent comments!
Aaron, you said... "Now please understand that I am not wanting to discuss intimate details, but overall I think it is a topic that can and should be discussed."...
I also do not want to discuss intimate details. I think this may be what everyone thinks Jason was trying to get us to talk about from the beginning on here. Maybe that's why everyone has been so quiet or some have used "anonymous" to make their comments. Also you said... "I will be the first to admit that I do not know it all(that may shock some of you)"... this amazes me. All this time I thought.... ;)
Mary, you said..."Honestly, if we as Christians are unwilling to openly talk about sex, especially to our teenagers, they will go somewhere else for that information." and "We have to be willing to get over our own discomfort to have a productive conversation."...
I agree with you and feel very strongly about this. It is our job as adults to be mature about sex and present it in a beautiful, God created way, so as to get the correct idea of how it is to be viewed, into the mind, heart and soul of the older child. How it is presented to them is how they will see it for the remainder of their lives and it will affect those around them in either a positive or negative way. Like Aaron said, knowledge is power. (Makes me think of one of the songs on SchoolHouse Rock)...haha.
Does anyone else have anything to say about this? You don't have to agree with the other people in order to make your opinion known. Let us know what you think.
My next question(s) is: Where do we draw the line? How far is too far in explaining and discussing sex?
Jennifer
I am confident that if some common sense is used, discussions about sex can be held in an appropriate manner. Common guidelines would involve structuring discussions by factors such as developmental level, gender, and marital status. Discussion groups should be closed, meaning that new members are not added to the discussion while it is in process.
There are many good resources that could be utilized. A discussion of this nature can be very powerful. Sexuality is a window to the essence of relationship (both positive and negative). It cannot be seriously addressed in isolation from other fundamental dynamics of the relationship. It is far too important to ignore.
I think that question is where I get off the hook easy. Being a single person, I can only present one side of this. A couple years ago I talked to the teen class about how important it is to wait, how to deal with pressure from dates, that sort of thing. Beyond that, I have little to offer. You married people are going to have to chime in there.
I started to comment yesterday, but after about a paragraph several students walked in at Innermission and my comment ended.
Anyway -- I was going to share along the same lines as Aaron; I’m confident Song of Solomon is in the Bible for a reason... God wanted it in there. I believe that honest conversation concerning sex – and encouragement of God’s will for sex can only be a blessing in the lives of His children. A blessing that brings freedom from a lot of emotional chains that bind married Christians, that hinder them and keep them from experiencing the true beauty of the sexual relationship as God intended.
We know sex is to be experienced by husband and wife in the marriage covenant – and that it is exclusive in that it is to be shared only between that husband and wife – but make sure we understand that they are to share in it – and often. (read 1 Corinthians 7: 1-5) It’s not just for making babies folks. They belong to God and one another – the husband doesn’t own his body, it’s hers as well, and vise versa. We know that sex is better when the relationship between the two of them is right with God and with each other. But a troubled relationship doesn’t give reason for sex to be withheld – it’s part of the relationship – and covenant – as God intended it to be.
I know there are differences in how male and female are moved toward sex – for some men it doesn’t take a lot of romance or prep time, while others need some time. For ladies, on the other hand, sex is more about relationship and how we share the day or our lives together.
We are clearly two different sexes – and it takes a lot of help from God and lots of understanding from one another to make things work sometimes. This is where our relationship with God is very important – I can’t look at sex from only my perspective – my wife has a perspective as well, and I need and want to meet her needs not just my own.
I know there is a lot more to it than this – and I certainly don’t have all the answers; I don’t even know all the questions. But I believe it’s a worthy and right spiritual conversation for us to have.
I know this takes about a week to read… sorry.
P.S. I just checked the blog and there have been a few comments added sine I began this... If I'm behind in this conversation -- and I'm usually behind -- I'm posting it anyway!
Keep 'em coming guys! You all have great comments and I feel you all have a great deal to offer the world who happen to be reading this blog....whether they be passers by or regular readers. I figured the title "Sex and the Church" would get some people's attention and cause them to stop and take notice. :)
Bring on the comments!
Jennifer
Okay, my only thought (at this point in time) about this is: if we can't talk to each other and to our kids & teens, then someone else will! You can look at Nick and figure out I listened to lots of my friends, outside the church. They were the only ones talking. I mean no criticism or guilt to anyone reading this. The choices I made were mine but I didn't have any answers to my questions and/or didn't talk to the right people.
We have to talk, talk and keep talking. There would be groups/meetings that should be closed to visitors and, then again, some that should be open. The "church" (us and everyone else) comes across to the "world" as a bunch of prudes. Sex isn't evil and doesn't have to be hidden in ashame or boring just because you are converted or attend services.
Do you see what I mean? I can talk SO MUCH better than I can explain things in print.
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