Some thoughts from the wilderness

I'm writing this to share with anyone who is interested a little information that I believe God has put into my life. The past few months have been a huge learning curve for me, to say the least. And I'm still learning in many ways that I cannot trust myself, and so what follows in this post is a lesson from the broken road that I trust will lead to a life God intended for me. I hope this information will stir some thought and speak to whoever God intends.

Nearly 3 years ago I reached a point where a lot of things forced themselves to the surface of my life...things that I had ran from, and left buried for many years. To condense this story, God came through and my life internally began to turn around. I reached a point where I believed God was directing me to focus on discipline, and in the process I became convicted about giving up smoking. It had been my crutch for years to medicate everything from boredom to a lack of meaningful relationships. I wouldn't give it up, and what followed was a downward spiral. Some of my worst moral and spiritual failures have occured during the last 3 years. Today, to God's glory, I'm smoke-free, but left with many holes in my spiritual armor, and a lot wounds that may never heal on earth - none of which was ever my intention. In what I believe, and hope, is the middle of God's rebuilding program for my life, I'm once again back to a focus on discipline, along with a focus on community.

If there was one thing I lacked and still lack, it's meaningful discipline. It's essential for growing healthy kids into healthy adults, and it's also essential for growing healthy Christians capable of being filled by the Holy Spirit, and listening to Him. This unfortunately doesn't happen by accident. It has to be intentional. And it has to happen together. Discipleship. It seems like so many of the things I'm reading and discussing these days is focusing me on discipline and community. This refocusing on discipline has led me to 2 books, the first is The Forgotten God by Francis Chan about the Holy Spirit, the second is Spirit of the Disciplines by Dallas Willard. Both of these books have answered some of my questions about missing elements of my spiritual life including why friendship with the world has continued to trip me up over the years. What I've read in so far in both books underscores the necessity of community in life transformation, and the necessity of intentional individual and team efforts.

Jason Coriell has been emphasizing this need for a greater sense of community for quite some time. His classes on Colossians back in the spring were largely focused the concept of community and togetherness. Conversations we have had almost always end up focusing on community in some way and how we can be a more intimate group of believers working together to encourage, build up, grow, and even have fun.

As I consider my own spiritual failures and the more I consider why they have happened, it's not for a lack of knowledge of the truth, its relational. I've been on the journey alone - even while physically together with others. My problem, for various reasons, has been a lack of discipleship - and this is mostly my own fault for not taking risks and trusting God to provide. However, be that as it may, as I consider some recent readings, discussions, observations, and statements, I wonder if maybe I'm not the only one. I'm going to toss out some statements and questions to see if anyone else may arrive at similar conclusions about a need for intentional and collective discipleship efforts.

1. Most of us don't really know each other on a level that is truly helpful in preventing sinful choices and offering guidance. Gabe Coriell alluded to this in one of his classes. At best, true openness is usually difficult, but nearly impossible with people we do not have strong relationships with. I remember feeling uncomfortable at the prospect of people knowing my personal struggles.

2. Strong relationships are difficult to build when most of our togetherness is usually in a class setting, or assembly, and we then go off to regular life. Maybe we need something beyond the auditorium or classroom.

3. "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." Does this happen in the pew or on the path walking together through life?

4. Don Coriell made the comment this past Sunday evening that a consultant looked at our offering and said that Sunshine's members do not have the spiritual maturity to build a building as reflected from our giving. How do we get spiritual maturity? Don't we need to grow up with spiritual parents/mentors leading us on a regulary basis? Can children grow themselves?

5. Jamie Riley made a comment to dad about how a significant group of us are struggling spiritually to to survive. Maybe we are still spiritual babies needing fed, and taught experience.

6. Jamie also preached a couple months back on how we are good at telling people where to get spiritual food, but poor at actually feeding them.

7. The model for discipleship is readily available to us. The 12 disciples learned through experience together with their mentor, and Master. What would discipleship efforts look like today? A class? home groups? The wisest people we'll ever meet got their wisdom from experience and discipline.

8. Last Sunday I visited a local church and the sermon included a comment about allowing the Light of the Scriptures to shine as we come together to focus on them. We already come together in classes, but do we need to start coming together in more intimate, secure settings to really become do-ers of the Word - confessing our sins to one another, praying for each other, getting to know one another on a more personal level, building up, tearing down, bearing burdens, laughing, crying, loving.

These are just some questions and comments I've found as I come to more fully understand my own desperate need for discipling, fathering, and guiding if I'm going to survive spiritually. I'm very thankful for those in my life at this point who are helping me in this. I love Sunshine, and the people here. In many ways I've failed the church and I'm truly sorry for that. I'm realizing more and more just how much I need it...and how much we all do. And I also realize how much more our lives need to be formed together so we can defeat sin and overcome the powers of hell. So everything that I wrote here is intended to help, not criticize.

What do you all think?