This Is Who I Really Am.

This morning, before John got up to do the sermon, I was already thinking about how nasty of a person I am. A couple of days ago, I got a phone call from my mother. She was delivering mail and listening to the radio. Obviously, she was listening to the big game with the South Webster Jeeps because when I answered the phone, she announced with great excitment in her voice that we had just won. I had no idea what she was talking about because I don't keep up with sports and I havn't been going to high school games since I was in school myself over 14 years ago. I am completely oblivious to what goes on at my old school now. I just don't care who wins anymore. Unfortunately, I made this comment to my mother. I said, in a nasty tone of voice, "I don't care!" This, didn't seem to bring my mom down at all. She just continued to stay excited and informed me that she just thought I would like to know. I guess she just wanted to tell someone the good news. I just wasn't very gracious toward her. I was down right nasty and rude to her. My mother. Why? I couldn't begin to tell you. Nasty tones and rude words just seem to fly out of my disgusting, wretched mouth every time I talk to my family. I have often felt such tremendous guilt for talking to them in this way for no good reason.

This morning, while on the way to church services, I was talking to Tim about what happened on the phone with mom. I told him how terrible I was and explained how there will always be something to slap me across the face in order to keep me grounded in who I really am. You see, I often have people telling me how wonderful I am and how I write so well and always have the right thing to say, etc., etc. It doesn't take long before I begin to believe that what I have to say really does have alot of merit and people need to hear me speak. Every time I get caught in this haughty thinking, God sends me discipline like only He can. That slap in the face that I feel coming from Him also comes with a good talkin' to from Him. He tells me "How can you talk to your mother like that and still think you're such a good communicator to my people? You should be ashamed of yourself. Now go and appologize to your mother for talking to her the way you did."

So, this moring at church services, my mother was running a little late and came in to sit down in the row in front of me. God immediately spoke to me saying that I needed to appologize right then. So, I scooted Tim over a little and pulled my mother's ear close to my mouth and explained how I've been getting guilt trips for a couple days and wanted to appologize. As I explained, she began to cry (like a mother does). I then felt another nudge to kiss her on the cheek. This was uncomfortable for me because I'm not a kissing person. When God tells you to kiss your mother, you just do it!

After the sermon, my mom came over and continued to cry as she appologized for not calling me as often as she should in order to talk to me and she appologized for a few other things she's been feeling bad about neglecting too. I was disciplined and my mom was broken and healed. God is still good!......ALL THE TIME.

So, this is my secret sin that I am making known to the world through the blog venue: I treat my family like they are garbage while at the same time treating friends and total strangers like the best thing in the world.

I'm not a good person like you think I am. I don't always say nice things to people. I am human and I fail........miserably. There is no one perfect and no one without sin except for Jesus Christ my savior. If I were perfect, I would not need a savior! I need a savior and I thank God that I have one!

PRAY FOR ME.